HO-F*cking-HO

Ya know, I haven't updated my blog recently because my life has been relatively boring and the only drama I've had to deal with is within my family (which is incredibly annoying and exasperating to talk about if you know my ridiculous parents). Now that the school year has progressed that has begun to change.
My life is like an episode of Awkward. except my Matty McKibben doesn't exactly falls head over heels in love with me. He does the whole secret flirtationship thing pretty well but that ended after a brief stint with in the closet and me going mediocre-publicity about the whole ordeal. And now he is acting as if I don't exist. Awesome. Great. Fan-f*uckin-tastic.
In real life there is no such thing as a real Matty. All we have is the Douche-Bag McKibbens. The guys that get all celebutarded due to the fact that they are hot and on Varsity every-f*ckin'-thing. Well get this pal, you might think you're hot shit now but wait until you're out of high school and trying to actually get a job. "Swag doesn't pay the bills." But selling crack probably does.

End of my post-apocalypto rant. Now on to bigger and brighter things, such as my hilarious facebook comment from the other day.
This girl that's kind of a notorious figure at my high school, posted a status that said: You put the F in fake.
So as the witty person that I am, I was the first to comment with: You put the AKE.
I thought it was pretty funny but apparently she did not. She immediately deleted the comment without even giving me a b*tchy reply. I was kinda let down. I can't even cause drama if I wanted too.
I really hope my main b*tch Karsten reads this, she's pretty much just as funny as I am.

Guide to blowing people off

Guide to blowing people off brought to you by yours truly.
In my time, I have had many of my "friends" blow me off, using dumb excuses or I catch them in their lie. So I have decided to help you, my readers, in the art of blowing people off.

By following five simple steps, I can help you avoid detection. And you will never have to hang out with losers again.

Step One: Make your excuse worthy, weddings, funerals, doctors appointments, and trips with the parents are all sure fire excuses.

Step Two: Always break it to them over the phone, sound sincere, apologize, give two to three details and hang the phone up. Don't drag it out, they will just ask more questions.

Step Three: Don't cross paths!! The biggest mistake a person could make, is going to a place where the person you are bailing on might be. Staying home or going out of town is your best options.

Step Four: Do not post pics or status updates on Facebook about what you are actually doing, if you do this, I am sorry there isn't any hope for you. You are a moron. Don't even bother reading the last step.

Step Five: Upon seeing the person again, apologize again and offer to try for another time. Don't set anything up, just say another time.

If the guide doesn't work for you, the person you are trying to fool must be a mindreader or you are trying it on me. That doesn't work either. Dirty Dolla knows whats up.

Pennies for thoughts

No body likes nasty skitches, especially of the 'incredibly b*tchy' variety. These of which, Oakland is teeming with. Vile and disgusting, they continue to walk our halls and spread words of cruelty to the rest of the high school population. Case in point, news had spread through the school that someone was using their instagram app for evil. This skitch took a picture of a group of girls having fun and enjoying the warm weather (all in some form of shorts) and spun the picture with some form of derogatory terms, cooch hanging out or the like. Where does this bi*tch get off? I'll tell you where, HOE-valley. Ironic that she would be the one to say this about these girls ,when she her self is unable to keep her legs closed and her a** cheeks from falling out of her barely there mini-skirts. ;) If you're gonna be a hater, just hate yourself like we all do.

PS-  All info of this blog could be purely fictional, only my closest friends and frenemies will ever know ;) sooooo keep the PO-PO out of my bizzznach ya'all!
With Muches loves and a touch a' hate to all those fakers out there,

THE D$B

People who erk me off.

Ya know, im competitive but im HONEST and competitive. I enjoy a friendly game of tennis but when skitches try to cheat an sh*i, beezuz aint happenin up in this gym!!!! The posers know they are doin wrong when they start the classic "I hate this game" or " Can we just get this over?". It dont work like that. Have fun annnnd try not to lie. Gawwwd thats the dickens. End of story...

still kickinnnnn

Sorry I haven't updated in forevvvs dolls, trust me babies I'm still kickkin. Been so busy with the socially unacceptable drivers ed. Buttt ya allz don't be gettin the wrong impression, I'm still flossin' like Ivana... Trump ;). So for the DUH factor of the week, i gotz to say, this one chick at my school totally wins in that category.

Heres the DL:  Well there's this one really impressionable girl at my school (not the smartest person on earth) that fell in to a total sh*t storm of epic proportions. It all started when her skanky "BestFriend" slept with her ex(not really, they were still kinda FWBing it up)-Boyfriend. What a b*tch move on the friends part. G-Ross X10. If I had been the girl that this bad stuff happened to, I woulda wiped the halls with that ho's face. Buhhhht unfortunately I am not her, and she is a sweetheart and let the trollop back into her BFF circle with no punishment.
Then it gets totes juicy, the WFF (whore friend forever) decided it would be a good idea to drag her forgiving friend down with her when she got busted for drugs (surprising that such a good friend would do such a thing, i know) and completely screwed up things for the girl becuzz now the nice girl is busted by the Parental Control, and the WFF walks free of school (she was expelled), The Parental Controls (OBVZ her parents either are completely oblivious to their daughters lewd acts or they don't care), and she don't gotta deal with dramma with her friend becuzz the 'forgiving' friend doesn't realized how big of a hole the WFF dug for her and through her in. It just proved that the WFF could sketch it out with her boyfriend annnnnd on top of that get her completely in trouble without reciprocation.

Some People.... Jesus.

Haha

True Dat

Things that P*ss Me Off

Girls with boyfriends. Yeah, thats right I went there. And I'm not talking about the girls that are in a normal relationship with another person. I'm talking about the girls that think the sun shines outta their boyfriends a**hole.  Trust me, it doesn't.  It's so annoying when that is all a person will talk about. It's like holy moly!!! get a life!! If I were talking to you in real life right now, I would be imitating them with a snobby high-pitched voice.  What brought this on wassss one of my friends is like super duper obsessed with her boyfriend annd to top it all off she insists to form her schedule around him. Ha- if it didn't effect me, I couldn't give an F-less but guess what? It has to screw up my entire schedule too bCuzz she is teamed up with me for a project.  Oh good golly miss molly, if I have to hear another thing about not being able to proceed with my original plans because of this, this... issue, I might just have to hurt someone. (not a threat, but I might make you cry, I'm not typically a mean person).  Take your shizznat elsewhere, PUH-LEASE!